9 Crimes
by sastrell
Summary: Oneshot, Alistair gets crowned while Alleria Tabris watches the man she loves leave her forever.


She watched closely.

He moved slowly, well aware of all the eyes on him. Every person in fifty leagues had gathered in the castle it seemed, from the wealthiest nobles to the malnourished elves from the alienage.  
She'd known him for so long only to have him ripped apart from her. The man she loved stood before her, so close, only meters away, yet he could of been at the opposite ends of the realm. She couldn't touch him, she couldn't say anything, she could only watch.

Alistair was getting crowned king. He was marrying Anora. He was leaving her behind.

She made sure her face showed no emotion. She could cry later. She cried before. She would not cry here.  
She noted the bruise forming on his hand. From last night. The stupid human punched the wall, hurting himself with physical violence and her with his decisions. She remembered it all so clearly.  
"Alleria, please. I have to do this. For my country, my people…" He looked at her with those toffee colored eyes, pleading with her to understand. But she couldn't.

"Don't do this, don't chose them, you don't even want to be king!" She shouted, tears pricking at her eyelids as she struggled to maintain her composure.  
"I know I don't want too! I can't think of anything worse than leaving the one person I'v ever loved and ruling a country, let alone marrying somebody I barely know!" He shouted back.

"Oh, marrying someone you don't know, that must be terrible. Tell me more about how that feels" Alleria hissed at him, eyes flashing. All too late Alistair remembered what had happened before Duncan found her, in the Alienage.

"This is what I have to do. Ferelden needs me." Alistair said, trying to keep as calm as he could, yet the strain was apparent.

"I need you! What about me? Am I to watch you marry the girl that left us to rot in a dungeon, the daughter of the man who was responsible for Duncan's death?" She paced up and down, fuming at the thought.

He sat there, watching her, feeling his heart break inside. He didn't want to leave her. Alleria turned to him, and knelt at his feet.  
"Please" She looked him in the eyes. Her green eyes were filled with more pain than he ever wanted to see. "Please don't leave me. Stay with me. We can leave, we can run away, please, please don't leave me" The tears overflowed as she begged and she lost her composure. She held his hand and cried silently on the floor. He felt his own tears flowing as he watched the only girl he'd ever love break in front of him.

"I...I can't do that" he whispered, trying to hold her, to kiss her. But she wouldn't let him. With all the skills he'd seen many times in battle, she dodged his arms and darted away. She stood at a distance and looked at him. "I can't change your mind?" She asked, her voice filled with so much hurt and pain Alistair sobbed. He rested his head in his palm and slowly shook his head as his tears splashed onto the table.  
Alleria turned and faced the wall. The pain she felt was unbearable. It hollowed her out and raked down her sides, clawing at her belly. Her heart felt like it had been stabbed. She almost wished it had been. Before she knew it, Alistair was there. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tighter than was comfortable but she didn't care, she needed it, she needed him, for all eternity. She looked into his eyes and kissed him hard, letting the taste of him and the salt of their tears become everything she knew. But it had to end. She pulled away, and turned her back. She started walking towards the door, every step sending shards of pain further and further into her heart. She wouldn't come back. "Alleria, stop, goddammit stop, you stupid elf please stop" She heard him swear and beg and plead and a loud thud as his fist connected to the wall. But he made no move to follow her. He knew what had to be done.  
She walked out of the room, and closed the door. She walked down the hall and into her own room, locking the door and bolting it for good measure. She sat on the bed, devoid of emotion. It all hurt too much to feel anymore. The tears worked their way down her cheeks before forming a small pool on the bed. She didn't brush them away. She stayed there all night.

A clank of armor brought her crash landing back to reality. She blinked furiously as she felt her eyes go hot. "Not here, anywhere but here" She told herself mentally. She dug her nails into her palms, letting the pain ground her to the situation. But it didn't. She glanced at her hands and saw the cuts and bruises left over from fighting the arch-demon. She remembered saying goodbye to her party members before going off to fight. She hadn't known if she would return. She couldn't say goodbye to Alistair. She tried but there weren't words. In the end, she simply told him she loved him. She remembered his reply. "And I love you. Always"  
The pain and hate drummed in her chest. He claimed he loved her. Just everyone else more. She knew she was being selfish. He had a country to serve. But her Alistair didn't have to. Anora could do it, the stuck up bitch. She'd love it. But no.

Alleria glanced around the room. She recognized no-one. Only her companions stuck out, looking bizarre in ornate outfits that were devoid of darkspawn blood. Zevran looked devastatingly handsome in a gilded green and gold outfit, and he knew it, judging from the glint in his eyes. She had given up Zevren for Alistair. She chose him. He couldn't do the same for her. She remembered the hurt in Zevren's eyes as she told him it wasn't him. The joy in Alistairs as she told him it was. "Stupid, foolish decisions" she thought to herself. This could of ended better if she'd just picked the right man.

Alistair stepped nearer and nearer. She wanted him to come as close as he could, yet at the same time she wanted him as far away from this room as possible. She would be the one the give him his crown. Anora's cruel party trick. Nobody saw it as painful as her- the grey warden that saved the world, crowning the new leader. Victor with victor. But too Anora, it was just a power game.

Alistair was maybe just a few meters away now. Memories came flooding back.

In the woods, after fighting the werewolf, washing the blood off their weapons. "When you first started, the way you charged into battle was incredible. You ran straight in and cut everything down. It was something I loved about you. Now, I hate it. I wish you'd stay back. I can't stand the thought of you not being quick enough, or one time you slip, and I won't be there in time to...save you" He'd said, not looking at her, eyes firmly on his shield as he scrubbed a particularly stubborn patch of blood. Alleria had laughed, called him a fool and pushed him in the river. "I'll hear no more talk of failure, grey warden" She'd playfully scolded him, and pretended to be mad when he pulled her into the icy stream with him. The kiss they shared after was an indicator of such anyway.

He stepped forward again, coming closer._  
_  
"Alleria! Alleria!" He shook her awake, his concerned face peering down at her. "What? What is it?" She muttered sleepily, only to well aware of what it was. "You were having that dream again, weren't you? You kept turning and muttering...things" He chose his words carefully. She looked at him. "What things?" She asked, waiting to see what he'd say. "I don't know, I couldn't make all of it out...I heard 'don't touch her' and then I heard 'get off me' and some begging and pleading" He avoided her gaze. "I'm sorry" she muttered. "Alleria...what happened?" He asked, finally meeting her stare with his. She began to tell him nothing, but stopped. She wanted him to know. She wanted to share. And so she told him all about what happened before Duncan found her. How the Arls son had gone for her, then her cousin, and then died by her hand.  
She didn't cry. He didn't talk. He just pulled her close and kissed her head, and let her fall asleep in his arms. The nightmares stopped after that.

Another step.

"Do you know what this is?"  
"Your new weapon of choice?"  
"Yes, thats right! Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, darkspawn!"

He was nearly in front of her.

"Even if I'm not human like you?"  
"Especially because of that"  
He brushed the hair out of her eyes and kissed her. They melted into each other, giving in to all the desire they'd felt. The first time they'd felt love, and the last they'd ever need. Or so they thought.

He stood in front of her as she stared at his breastplate. She looked up and found the brown eyes she'd loved so much. She felt her mouth move as she recited the words Wynne had drummed into her over and over. She groped for the crown and found it, never taking her eyes off his. She knew once she placed the crown on his head, it was over. She'd be gone. She had her things packed, taking only what she needed. She'd given everything else away. Elfen, her dog, went to Sten. Her clothes to Leliana. Her trinkets to Oghren. The last of her passion to Zevran. All she had waiting her was her armor, her weapons and a few potions.

His brown eyes bore into hers, conveying everything. "I'm sorry, I love you, please stay" They begged. Her green ones bore back. "I can't". They grew brighter as the tears brimmed and she placed the crown on his head.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Your new king!" She cried, keeping her voice as steady as possible. The crowd erupted into cheers, throwing ribbons in the air and jumping for joy. They loved him already. She didn't care. They'd taken him from her. She hated them.

Various people came and did political things before they were released. She stood there, dull and aching, a fake smile firmly planted on her face. She avoided Alistairs gaze. She wouldn't look at him.

Soon the congregation broke. She quickly slipped away, using her rogue abilities to be as stealthy as possible. She ran upstairs and changed out of her finery and threw it in the fireplace for good measure. She gathered her things and joined the crowd once more. She looked at her new king. He sat in his throne, surrounded by well wishers. He smiled and nodded and shook their hands but his eyes frantically scanned the room, searching every corner, looking for her, his elven lover. She looked at him once last time and tried to memorize every detail about him. She would make sure she would never see him again.

She turned around and left. The guards at the door didn't look at her, content at jealously watching the party unfold as they remained on duty. She walked out the steps and past the gates until she was deep into the woods. She walked and walked, in no direction, with no purpose, only with the tears falling down her face, the ache in her chest, and the knowledge that on Alistair's pillow tonight, he would find a single red rose, plucked in Lothering amidst all the chaos.


End file.
